realdagger:

me: *looks in the mirror*
me: me

waterboarding:

I feel bad when I watch Alice in Wonderland because this poor little girl is lost and this rude ass atheist caterpillar keeps vaping in her face… poor kid

docdaddy:

arrogantsuggestion:

They were never going to change. You did the right thing.

I know someone needs this

mitochondrionion:

jontronshat:

pajama-zam:

jontronshat:

imhangingwhataboutyou:

jontronshat:

“I heard my wife knock on the bathroom door, but then I remembered…. our bathroom doesn’t have a door”

I’m sorry, but the confusion of why your bathroom doesn’t have a door far outweighs any feelings of horror this might evoke.

can’t afford door.. the horror here is the realities of life

So what fuck was your wife knocking on

this dick

It’s not even 4 words???

ethergaunts:

champagnepupi:

why are his shoes on the wrong feet?

this kid just can’t catch a break

paprika:

i can relate so much lmao